She Said. He Said. She Said.

it's been 5 months since i've started using vox and it's sad to say this but...i'm moving back to my lj.

i thought you were my friend.
i thought you were different.
i thought that you didn't care about all those things.
i guess i was wrong.

you hurt me on so many levels.
it sucks but at least i know that i'm not wasting time
with someone as fake as you.

you are gone from my life.
you do not exist to me.

you said that you would always be my friend.
that you loved me.
that no matter what, you got my back.

ditto to me i guess.

good riddance i say.

dear God,
Please help me. i do not want to feel this way all over again. it seems that no matter what i do in life, it is never enough. even when i show that i really am trying, no one ever seems to believe in me.
will i always be the failure? will everyone keep looking down on me no matter what i do?
i'm tired of always trying to show people that i am good enough.

dear God,
please take away all this pain inside me. please make the people around me understand what i'm really going through. please help me be stronger.
i don't want to keep crying. it doesn't make the pain go away. it just makes it worse.

dear God,
i love you. i love my family. i love him. i want things to be good. i want life to be pleasant. please help us all. please help me understand what my purpose in life is. i can't keep pretending that i'm happy. i can't keep pretending that daddy loves me the most. i can't keep pretending that everything is ok.
it's not.

dear God,
in this time of need. in this time of pain. in this time of confusion.
i need your guidance the most. help me please. i can't take this pain again.
please make this disease go away.
please help others see that life isn't as bad as it seems. please let them treasure everything they have. please let them understand that not everyone is perfect, but everyone is trying to make things right.

dear God,
i need peace of mind. i need to know that i'm here for a purpose. i need to know that even when the whole world is crashing around me, i still have someone to turn to. i need to know that not everyone has their back against me and thinks i'm useless. again.

dear God,
please.
please.
please.
i'm begging you.
please help me.

well, just 2 shoes actually.

i'm supposed to be at the gym tonight.

i'm supposed to be at the gym now.

but i've decided not to go and start fresh next week at the beginning of the month. so what am i gonna do tonite? i'm gonna get me some new shoes! :)

it's been a while since i went shoe shopping and i really needa get some flats! maybe black and brown? and maybe one more pair of covered shoes?

now that sounds like a brilliant idea!

afterwhich, OC has decided that we have dinner at Waraku tonite. looked thru their online menu... doesn't seem too appealing though...but i guess i'll be really hungry later and manage to find something to eat. haha.

i've been really bored at work this week. well, the week only started on wednesday....and i finished MOST of my work. i'm just left with some clearing of paperwork and doing some other minor adjustments. i even had time to rearrange my desk. again! haha. looks good now.

oh goody!! another hour before we can go and buy my shoes!!! :)

toodles!!

xoxo